Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
