i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
