I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
