I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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