I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
why do cheetos always look like penises
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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