so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
