Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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