Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
