I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
