Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
