just tell him i said nine months
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
