Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
