You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
