Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
