Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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