Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
