Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
