I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
