he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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