If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm like, not good at living.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
