I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
