There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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