I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
