MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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