That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
