I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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