it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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