Nicole vs. Life
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
