I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
should my penis look like a turkey
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
