Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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