I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
