well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
