You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
