Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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