So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
