Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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