Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
