I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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