I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Randomize
