well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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