Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
