Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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