yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize
