my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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