I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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