pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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