so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
