Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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