Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
