if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Non-Jews are for practice
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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