is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
