did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I just found a bag of teeth...
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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