and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
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