her vagine was all disorganized.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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