last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
