And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
