$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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