I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
