I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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